Lucky 7even
“Well, they did it. Lucky and Winter finally called each other’s bluff and tied the knot. They’d been in love since childhood, but could never openly express it. They’d contemplated giving the middle finger to society for years and they finally did it. My name is Ickabus Collins. I’d like to share with you a story of how two people dear to my heart went on a chase for riches beyond their wildest dreams. Hang on, it’s a wild ride, man.”
Lucky 7evon, a thirty-four-year-old happy-go-lucky blonde haired blue-eyed non-hunk. He had been head over heels in love with Winter Bobb for as long as he could remember. Two years younger than he, her dark skin, afro-style hair and funky attitude called to him, made him yearn for her more each day, and times be darned, he’d make her his wife and anyone who didn’t approve could kiss something stinky. Nothing else mattered. Well, almost nothing else.
Theirs would not be a simple marriage. It would have nothing to do with their constantly tested love for each other. Nor would it challenge their vastly different ethnic backgrounds. Theirs would not be a simple marriage because of a twisted external force applied by two idiots who could not abide by the lovebirds flaunting of middle fingers to social norms. Surprisingly, it turned out to not altogether be a bad thing.
Felicitous 7evon, Lucky’s father, and Frank Bobb, Winter’s father, were each wealthy. They had been best friends since childhood. Their shtick in life was making dumb wagers. And they’d been at it for years. Neither Felicitous nor Frank approved of the marriage and they both tried their best to talk the kids out of it. Their marriages had failed and, by jiminy, that meant everyone else’s should too. And with that in mind, Felicitous wagered he could get Winter to ask Lucky for a divorce within a week. Frank, not being one to back down from one of Felicitous’ dumb wagers, readily accepted the challenge.
The challenge would be to get Lucky to do something that would so piss Winter off, she’d ask for a divorce. They’d offer Lucky $1,000,000.00 if he could pull it off. Of course, there were ground rules, three of them: no infidelity. The ask had to be recorded for verification, and Lucky could not tell Winter about the wager. So Felicitous, Frank, and Lucky were all in on the game to get Winter to ask for a divorce. With his fancy little recorder device at the ready, Lucky figured he’d go for gold right out of the gate.
Lucky came home that evening with a somber look on his face. He was about to test his acting skills and push a button that would surely send Winter into a bad enough mood that she’d unknowingly end the game. The game she didn’t know she was playing.
“Honey,” he began, “I think you should ask me for a divorce.”
“Lucky, stop playin’. You so stooopid. Why would I ask you for a divorce, silly?” She asked as she walked off, giggling.
So much for plan one. It was worth a shot, but he knew then he’d have to get more creative. He had six days left to do it.
Lucky moped around the next day, virtually beating his head against the wall as he tried to think of something else he could do to get Winter to ask for a divorce. He searched the internet for reasons people opted for divorce but couldn’t find anything that fit his situation. And then, suddenly, he got an idea and slapped himself across the forehead for not thinking of it sooner.
Jennifer Thompson was a friend of the family, kind of. She had always liked Lucky and never understood what he saw in Winter. She didn’t dislike Winter, but she harbored no love for her either. When Lucky asked her out, she thought he had finally come to his senses and was ready to divorce Winter for her. She jumped at the opportunity to make him hers and rub it in Winter’s face. Well, maybe, sort of.
Lucky knew Winter would be at the mall the day he planned to parade Jennifer around as if they had a secret thing going on. He figured if anything would goad Winter into asking for a divorce, it would be to see him cheating on her with Jennifer. So he and Jennifer met at the mall and he walked with her as if they were a couple. As he approached the store that he knew Winter would be in, he grabbed Jennifer’s arm and placed it around one of his as they walked past, arm in arm. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Winter look up and see them. He smiled to himself.
Lucky had no idea Winter had such a powerful right hook. When he came to, a security guard was kneeling over him, asking if he was okay. All he remembered was walking with Jennifer and out of nowhere, someone decked him. He heard Winter screaming, “Get your effing hands off me,” as a couple of security guards were dragging her, kicking and screaming, out of the mall. Lucky laid back on the floor and smiled a wry little smile while mentally counting his money.
When he got home, it flabbergasted him to see Winter and Jennifer sitting on the living room sofa laughing it up, talking about how cute Lucky looked lying on the mall floor after Winter knocked him out.
“Hi, ah, guys,” Lucky began.
They both turned to look at him. Neither saying a word.
“Ah, Winter, honey, ah, what’s going on?”
“Lucky, Jesus Christ, you’re an idiot. Honestly, I don’t know what has gotten into you this week.”
He tried to squeeze out a half laugh. Failed. And then Jennifer got up to leave, blowing him a kiss as she passed. She looked back at Winter and they both broke out laughing. And then Lucky broke out sort of laughing with them. As soon as Jennifer walked out, Winter’s face contorted into a look Lucky had never seen. He figured it was as good a time as any to pop the question.
“Ah, honey, is there something you want to ask me?”
“Like what, baby?” she replied with an evil smile.
“I dunno, like maybe ask for a divorce because of, you know, me and Jennifer,” he said nervously.
“Lucky, please. You think I’m upset over that little thing? Honestly, baby, you’re going to have to try harder than that. I love you my little he man, even though you really are an idiot.”
“But, but, you decked me in the mall?”
“Yea! I admit, that felt good. But I’m over it now. Hey! What do you want for dinner?”
So Lucky saw his chance at fortune slipping away a second time. He knew he’d have to up his game even more. He was sure the stunt with Jennifer would work, but he didn’t figure on her ratting him out to Winter. While true, she tried to project a dislike for Winter, but in the end, they were still friends, and she would never stoop low enough to steal her man. Lucky had about three days left and desperation had set in.
Not one to give up, Lucky went to work planning another idea. He wanted that money. Their financial future was on the line. He didn’t care how much he had to piss Winter off. He knew she’d forgive him when he came home with the check. Lucky was getting close to one humdinger of a plan, and in his head, he was positive it would be the one to force Winter into asking him the golden question.
What he didn’t know was that Winter suspected his recent foolishness had something to do with their equally foolish fathers. “Put three minds like that together and all sorts of shenanigans could ensue,” she thought. And just to prove it, she invited Felicitous and Frank to lunch.
“Okay, guys, what’s going on?” she asked point blank.
“Winter, honey, whatever do you mean?” Frank replied playfully.
“I know darn well you two are up to something. Lucky’s running around doing every stupid thing he can think of to get me to ask him for a divorce, and it just reeks of something you two put him up to. Now out with it,” she said equally playfully.
They both threw their hands up in the no mas position and admitted she had them. Felicitous was the first to chime in.
“Winter, honey, we just need to you to keep ignoring him. Trust me, it’ll be worth it. He only has three more days to go.”
Apparently, the fathers sent Lucky on his mission so they could sit back and watch him squirm. They knew it would take something enormous for Winter to ask for a divorce. Lucky, however, could be pretty persuasive when he set his mind to things, so they figured they’d better come clean, sort of, by almost letting Winter in on the game. They told Winter if she could hold out, they’d make it worth her while. She didn’t know what that meant and figured if she asked, they’d feed her a line of BS. So she agreed and everyone went on their way.
Meanwhile, Lucky was basking in the glow of his new brilliant idea and was almost ready to put it into play. That afternoon, he asked Winter if she wanted to go out and get drinks at their favorite bar. He’d locked eyeballs on a lady there before that got a little chatty. He figured if she was there when he and Winter went, he could use her to get Winter to ask the magic question. Winter was always down for drinks with her man and eagerly accepted his offer.
Lucky spotted his chatty friend the minute they walked in. He and Winter grabbed a couple of stools at the bar and ordered. Lucky immediately made an excuse to abandon her by saying he was going to the restroom. She had a feeling he was going to do something stupid, and he did not disappoint. Winter watched as he entered the restroom, watched as he came out about ten seconds later, watched as he sashayed up to a woman at the other side of the bar, and then watched as he got his flirt on.
She thought about going to rescue him from what was brewing a few feet away, but figured, “Hey! He got himself into it. He can get himself out of it.” The problem was Lucky didn’t realize yet that he had gotten himself into anything. Winter adjusted her stool and made herself comfortable. She didn’t want to miss a minute of the impending show.
“Hey, Winter. What’s happening?”
His name was Todd Bennett, a friend of Lucky’s.
“Nothing much, Todd,” she said. “How’ve you been?”
“I’ve been well. Hey, ah, is that Lucky over there chatting up Lisa?”
Winter was like, “Yep.”
“Does he know that she’s with Steve Harrington?”
She just smiled.
“I don’t think so, but he’s about to find out,” she snickered.
“Well, shouldn’t we warn him?”
“Nah,” she said. “Let him have his fun.”
“Okay, Winter. He’s your hubby. This ain’t going to be pretty,” he said as he excused himself.
“See ya around, Todd. Don’t be a stranger,” she said as he gave her a hug and then left.
Meanwhile, Steve Harrington was watching Lucky chat up his girlfriend, Lisa, and he did not seem too happy about it. Steve was a huge muscular guy, not necessarily the town bully, but not necessarily not either. He considered Lisa his girl and apparently everyone in town except Lucky knew it. Everyone in the bar was repositioning their seats, getting ready for the show. And Lucky, unaware of what was brewing, just kept on chatting.
Lucky had only one thing on his mind, making Winter ask him that night for a divorce. He din’t notice that Lisa kept glancing at Todd. He did not notice that she showed no interest in him at all. And he didn’t notice the absolute fear in her eyes as Todd started walking towards them. Winter completely ignored the people who turned to her as if asking if she was going to go save her husband. But alas, it was too late.
Lucky felt something grab the back of his shirt collar, and forcefully snatch him into the air, and then body slam him to the ground. All he could see was stars for a moment. Before he could fully gather his senses, he saw what appeared to be a huge monstrosity of a man grab the front of his shirt and hurl him a few feet across the room. He landed right in front of Winter, and looked up at her as if begging, “Aren’t you going to help me, dear?” The smile on her face told him that whatever hell was about to befall him, he was in it alone.
The first blow to his face felt like he’d rounded a corner and met a flying two-by-four. He was fairly certain it had broken. As his eyes welled with tears from that, he stumbled backwards, landing on his butt, and slid a couple of feet. He could see Todd coming towards him and braced for the impact. But just like an angel from heaven, he noticed Winter come up behind Todd and clobber him over the head with a big old wine bottle, knocking him out cold. His gigantic body falling to the floor made a thud sound like that of Jack and the Beanstock’s Blunderboar. Lucky had never loved his wife as much as he did at that moment.
At home that evening, she gave Lucky the business.
“Lucky, baby, are you alright? Do you need a doctor? A priest? Another barfly? Baby, I’m concerned about you,” she lied.
“Yea, honey, I need all the above. But mostly, I need you to forgive me for being so stupid. I can’t tell you what has been going on, but I assure you, I’m done and I love you.”
Felicitous and Frank were good fathers who only wanted to see the kids succeed. They had no intention of sitting back and watch Lucky do anything stupid enough to force Winter’s hand. Lucky would get his prize regardless, and for Winter’s role, she’d get the same. In the end, the kids would inherit $2,000,000.00. Felicitous and Frank would call it a delayed wedding gift.
“As you can see, Lucky came up with another humdinger of a ploy to get Winter to ask for a divorce. Like the others, it didn’t work. But he learned a valuable lesson. Learn to read the friggin’ room. He was in danger the minute he engaged Lisa and everyone in the room except him knew it. In the end, their dads gave them the money promised. Winter made wise investment choices, and they gained riches beyond their imagination. Well, that’s it, folks. This is Ickabus Collins signing off. Thanks for playing along.”
K.R. Eaton - Lucky 7even
Short Stories by K.R Eaton
