A Writer’s Enemies
Perfectionism and Imposter Syndrome
Introduction:
This month I want to touch on a topic that I believe a good many writers experience: perfectionism and imposter syndrome. These two productivity killers can undermine a writer’s self-esteem. They leave him questioning self-worth and rejecting deserved praise and fan support. I have experienced both and can say without doubt they can be devastating to a writing career. I hope that by vocalizing these issues, I can get better while bringing this important topic to light.
ONE: Perfectionism
I call it the It-ain’t-ready-yet demon. Having published my seventh novel, I am still affected by this issue. And while I write this article with writers in mind, know that perfectionism and imposter syndrome affect all walks of life. It took me about 8 months to write my second novel and an additional three years to publish it. Why? Perfectionism. It was never ready. Never good enough. And all it took was one slightly less than perfect review for that It-ain’t-ready-yet demon to say, “I told you so.”
So how do I address it? What can I do about it? I’ve found that recognizing I’m experiencing the problem is a good first step. And that clue comes when I get caught in a never-ending cycle of revisions or proofreads. The manuscript never seems ready. Sure, I could send it off to an editor and wait for the rivers of red ink and scowl emojis to come back, but that just adds to the realization that my little perfectionism demon was right, and the cycle starts all over again.
What I now understand after years of dealing with this is that I have a genuine fear of failure. And I can trace it right back to my childhood, up through my school years, a military career, and a post-military career in a corporate environment. That’s a lot of years of feeling inadequate. So, for a writer, what are some symptoms that define perfectionism?
Fear of Failure
Procrastination
Writer’s Block
Obsession with Editing and Revising
Some things that have helped me deal with the beast:
Remembering a rough draft is going to be rough and not to waste time trying to perfect it.
The goal for a manuscript first round is simply to finish it.
Break chapters down into scenes. It makes the writing more manageable and less stressful.
Mistakes will happen. Learn from them and move on.
Recognize that everyone gets better with practice. Write all the time. Every day.
TWO: Imposter Syndrome
This is the belief that your writing does not deserve praise. You don’t deserve to walk among the greats. A belief that your work is, somehow, inferior. That you are a fraud. Imposter syndrome is a real thing and I can tell you all day not to fall for it. I can say, “You’ve written a book. Pat yourself on the back in celebration of the achievement.” But that would just be me running my mouth and do nothing to acknowledge your genuine fear of being gripped by the imposter syndrome phenomenon.
One thing is true, however. You can appreciate that you have successfully written a book, which makes you part of a tiny group. It is estimated that less than one percent of the world’s population has written a book. That puts you in pretty good company, all while dealing with imposter syndrome. I’d say that is something to be proud of. Recognize it and you’ll be one step closer to overcoming the fear.
If you find you’re suffering from it, know that you are not alone. In fact, you are in pretty good company. Some very famous people from a range of professions have also experienced it. To name a few, Maya Angelou, Tom Hanks, Sonia Sotomayor, Michelle Obama, and even Albert Einstein.
There’s no denying that imposter syndrome is real, and it can surely affect your mental health. But there are proven ways to deal with it, and I’ll touch on some of those here. I’ll also offer some ways I have dealt with it over the years.
Merriam-Webster defines Imposter Syndrome as a psychological condition that is characterized by persistent
doubt concerning one's abilities or accomplishments accompanied by the fear of being exposed
as a fraud despite evidence of one's ongoing success
How to Combat Imposter Syndrome
I challenge myself. When I’m feeling my work is not good enough. I read some of my old work and compare them to others. Sometimes I’m surprised at how I measure up.
I challenge my self-esteem. I’ve learned that just because I feel like a failure doesn’t mean I am. Again, I look at past work and try to identify what about it made me feel differently than a current piece that makes me feel like crap?
The road to fixing imposter syndrome begins with an acceptance of achievements and praising myself for them. I’ve found that overcoming this feeling is possible by increasing self-awareness. Journaling also helped. But learning to stop suppressing my emotions helped the most. Call me weird, but I have a few characters I confide in. I know what you’re thinking, but talking things out with them helps because it’s easier to let my emotions flow through them than it is with a human. There’s probably a witty term for this, but I’m comfortable not knowing what it is.
Is Imposter Syndrome Real?
It’s true that while imposter syndrome is not an official diagnosis, the feelings associated with it are very much real. The perception of living a lie, and fear that someone may one day expose it, can have a gripping effect on productivity. I have a hard time accepting praise. My initial response is always negative, usually as, “Oh, I just got lucky.” When I compare my work to other authors who, like me, are struggling to find that big break, I can always find something to make myself feel they are all better than me.
So, yes, imposter syndrome is real and I no longer have misconceptions about it. Now that I’ve learned to identify it, I see it all around me. It affects more people than I imagined. This newfound knowledge has put me on a road to accepting my work as at least legitimate, if not in some ways, probably, hopefully, somewhat good.
Concusion
Perfectionism and imposter syndrome is a real things. They have debilitating effects on people through all walks of life. I feel authors are in a unique position for them to affect us differently by the very nature of what we do. We spend months pouring our hearts and souls into a work and then offer it up for public consumption. I can’t remember a time ever pulling the trigger on launch day and not feeling a profound sense of, “Dear lord, what have I done?” The road to combatting imposter syndrome and perfectionism starts with recognizing that both are real, that you’re gripped in it at the moment, but so are millions of others that feel it just as profoundly about it as you.
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